The Pixels

Elemental Video Game Critiques

Year: 2017

10 min read

“Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You’ve eaten Gotham’s wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on… none of you are safe.”
-Batman, Year One

9 min read

“I’m afraid of coaching, of writer’s classes, of writer’s magazines, of books on how to write. They give me centipede trouble – you know the yarn about the centipede who was asked how he managed all his feet? He tried to answer, stopped to think about it, and was never able to walk another step.”
-Robert A. Heinlein

20 min read

“He always thought of the sea as ‘la mar’ which is what people call her in Spanish when they love her. Sometimes those who love her say bad things of her but they are always said as though she were a woman. Some of the younger fishermen… spoke of her as ‘el mar’ which is masculine. They spoke of her as a contestant or a place or even an enemy. But the old man always thought of her as feminine and as something that gave or withheld great favours, and if she did wild or wicked things it was because she could not help them. The moon affects her as it does a woman, he thought.”
-Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea

10 min read

“Remember kid, there’s heroes and there’s legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.”
-The Babe

19 min read

“Much have I fared, much have I found,
Much have I got of the gods:
What shall live of mankind when at last there comes
The mighty winter to men?”
-The Ballad of Vafthruthnir

3 min read

This rage-post is just one sentence long… because, as all you bottom-feeding, basement-dwelling, like-fishing bloggers know, the plebeians at Square Enix thought it was okay to get the entire gaming community all up in a hissy-fit of excitement for what turned out to be the ultimate example of lameness: that they’re going to be making a stupid Avengers-themed game, probably in the vein of the Lego Marvel thing, because let’s just come right out and say it: nothing is more appropriate for the Marvel brand than getting the shameless, angsty, pandering treatment from the same company that crapped out Final Fantasy XV in all of its fetch-questing, female-objectifying, open chit-chatty anti-glory, and after all, the cast of FFXV with monotone Noctis, dude-bro Gladio, anime-cliché Ignis, and professional whiner baby Prompto are the perfect archetypes for the whitewashed, mansplaining derpsters crowding Marvel’s list of C-tier…

19 min read

Go ’round, come ’round, distant time,
Come ’round, oh, distant time,
Come ’round call back the heart,
Come ’round call back the heart

Birds, bugs, beasts, grass, flowers, and trees,
Teach people how to feel,
If I hear that you pine for me,
I will want to return to you,
I will want to return to you

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